Dear Coach Greg: It just happened again! My wife is trying to pick another fight over something I did so long ago I can barely remember how it started. "Was it my fault or hers? Who really cares?" Why doesn't she just drop it before I get "really mad" and do something I'll regret?

Out Of Control

Dear Out Of Control: I agree it can be very frustrating when the past is repeatedly thrown in your face. This unhealthy tactic is more about testing your memory of "old unfinished business" rather than an attempt to move your relationship forward. Before you know it you are riding on a runaway train which has 10% to do with the present and 90% with the past.

Secondly, I acknowledge your self-admission of possibly getting "really mad" in response to your wife, rather than denying ownership of your angry behavior. Often anger stems from being tired, hungry, rushed, or overwhelmed as from what your wife has said or done. Do any of these conditions exist before you get "really mad"? To learn effective ways to express your angry feelings in an honest, healthy, and constructive manner consider taking an anger management workshop. Keep in mind that anger is like an unbridled hoarse. Unless you govern it, you are at its mercy.

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