This could only happen in the Florida Keys. Hold on for a bumpy ride as Billy and Leon find a solution to their problems. .


Copyright © 2007 Walter R. Franklin

"Rob a bank? You gotta be crazy! We ain't that hard up, yet," Leon sputtered. The red on his forehead turned crimson as the veins in his temples beat out a Mariachi tune. The summer sun was turning the sky above Florida Bay a deep violet. No-see-ums would be making their invisible attack shortly. The rickety shack perched on stilts on the edge of the water was home to the two buddies since they had dropped out of school more than three years ago. Billy really was that desperate.

"C'mon man. At least think about it. If I don't come up with some bread quick, Carlos is gonna have me by the short hairs! Billy wasn't kidding either. When Carlos had said that he could get any kind of bike cheap, Billy asked him if he could get a Harley-Davidson Dyna Wide Glide Custom Edition. Not believing that anybody could get one of those new, limited edition Harleys, Billy said, "I'll give you 10G's if you can get me one." Billy knew he had a serious problem when Carlos called Tuesday night around midnight to set up delivery. Carlos didn't want to hear anything about joking around. He had the bike, and he was going to deliver it, and he was going to get 10G's out of Billy or out of Billy's hide. He shuddered as he started humming "Whatever Carlos Wants, Carlos Gets."

"Listen Leon, you need it just as bad as me. Stealin' cars ain't gonna cut it. We gotta steal a hundred cars to get the kind of money we can get from hittin' a bank. That's a hundred times the risk. We hit one bank for fifty or a hundred thousand dollars, and we're done. We split it 50-50, and everything's cool. I can pay off Carlos. You can buy Maria a ring, and we never have to do it again.

"I know just the bank, too. It'll be a pushover. It's back in the woods off the main drag around Mile Marker 30, and there's a whole bunch of hotels around there. If we hit it on Monday morning, we'll get the cash from the weekend deposits. It's a no-brainer."

"Man, you been drinkin' too much," Leon squeaked. "Banks have alarms. Banks have cameras. Banks have security guards and bulletproof glass. Ain't no way we can rob a bank and not getcaught." Leon was having a hard time with this idea, but Billy knew he would come around eventually. He always had before.

Billy and Leon grew up together in Marathon, one of the largest towns in the Florida Keys. Billy's dad was a marine mechanic, and Leon's mom worked for one of the big hotels. Both boys chose to make their money on the commercial fishing boats and lobstering during the season. Billy had a reputation for being able to catch fish barehanded. Leon had always wondered how Billy could reach down into the water and bring up a grouper like it was just waiting to be caught. Leon figured you had to be someone special to be able to do something like that.

They had run right on the edge of the law, somewhere between "juvenile mischief" and "petty crime," like the time they turned the bilge pump around on Randy's speedboat. When it kicked on, the pump delivered salt water into the bilge of the $75,000 custom Cigarette at the rate of 1500 gallons per hour. Randy would never make fun of Leon's girlfriend again. Billy had always been able to talk Leon into one of his wild plans. He knew that this time would be no different.

"Listen hard Leon," Billy said firmly. "The Flagler Bank on Big Pine is perfect. It sits back off the road. The trees are all growed up around it. There's no security guard and no bulletproof glass. We can disguise our faces, and besides nobody knows us down there."

"How do you figure we can disguise our faces?" Leon was playing with the hook.

"First off, we can shave all the hair off our heads. Nobody's seen us without long hair, sideburns and beards since we was kids. We can look like a coupla skinheads. Next, we can steal some shirts and stuff off some clotheslines so nobody'll recognize the "Stars and Bars" you always wear on your t-shirt. Then we can get some sunglasses. That's all we need.

"When we go into the bank, you can stand by the front door and watch for anybody comin' in, and I can do all the talkin'. We can get all the cash from the tellers and whatever else is sittin' out. We'll be outa there in 10 minutes, and nobody'll be the wiser."

"Yeah, but how we gonna get away?" Leon always did ask too many questions.

"Well, let's think about it. T he sheriff's station is up on Key Largo. Remember when those guys shot Old Man McKee in the liquor store? All the Sheriffdid was set up a roadblock. If you got US 1 blocked, ain't no way you're gonna get away. Whaddaya say we hole up in that little fleabag place with all the little cottages on Summerland Key, just south of Big Pine? We can get the room for a week. By then things will blow over. We can tell everybody we're goin' to Miami to look at electronics for the boat." Billy kept dangling the bait in front of Leon who was inspecting it carefully before taking a bite.

"We can park the pickup in the grocery store lot right behind the bank and run out through the brush. Nobody'll see where we went." Billy said these last words with confidence as he stood up and pitched the empty beer can in the direction of the yellow recycling bin sitting in the corner of the kitchen.

Grabbing two more cold frosties out of the refrigerator, Billy went on, "We gotta get goin' on this right away. Monday's less than a week away. Whaddaya say we go out now and see about snatchin' some duds?" He pitched the second beer at Leon and started towards the door. Leon dutifully followed.

Sitting in the drive was an old Chevy S-10 pickup with oversized tires. Stuck to the tailgate was a bumper sticker saying, "On a quiet day, you can hear Ford trucks rust." In the back window was one of those "Nasty Kids" white outline drawings of a kidrelieving himselfon the number 6. Leon and Billy jumped in at the same time with Leon behind the wheel. They began cruising the neighborhoods looking for laundry hanging out to dry. Leon still wasn't convinced that this was a good idea, but every time he said something, Billy had an answer. After an hour, Leon pulled into the Texaco. "I'm goin' to drain the dragon, Leon. You go on and put $25.00 worth in the tank," Billy half shouted as he made a beeline for the front door. On his way back out, Billy picked up a six pack of long neck Buds. Leon finished pumping gas and went inside to pay for it and take a leak himself.

They were back on the road, cruising neighborhoods, trailer parks, campsites, and every place else they could think of, but nobody had any clothes hung out. Down to their last beer and getting dark, Billy finally realized it had been a hundred years since anybody hung their clothes out to dry in South Florida. It was time to try something else. "Remember the 'Good Will' trailer behind the Publix," he asked? "Maybe we can find some stuff in there." In no time flat, Leon was in the trailer with nothing but his feet hanging out. "I'll keep a look out in case anybody comes along," Billy offered. Finally, Leon came out with a bunch of old stained t-shirts. One had a big parrot on it with the word "Margaritaville" spelled out in faded orange letters. Another had a big bottle of Corona beer that was partially hidden by a big splotch of green paint. They had completed the first step.

Sliding into the suicide seat, Billy sighed to Leon: "Let's pull the plug for tonight. We can get the bungalow tomorrow."

Morning came hot and heavy. "Man!" Cried Billy. "Today's gonna be a scorcher. You can cut the air with a knife and it's only a quarter to nine. Billy and Leon had met at Mickey D's where they each had an Egg McMuffin and a Coke. "Whatcha think Leon?" Neither of them was eating.

"Man, this is the dumbest thing we ever done."

"C'mon dude. It'll all work out, and you're gonna be spending that money on the prettiest little ol' ring up in Miami. There's no way Maria will ever say no then," Billy said as he pitched his trash and walked out the door.

With that, they both jumped into the truck for the trip down to the Blue Dolphin Motor Lodge. The manager didn't even blink an eye when they rented one room for a week. You see all kinds in the Keys, and it's best not to ask. They kicked in together to come up with the $115 to pay in advance for the room. It even had A/C and Cable.

"OK, now look. When you go home tonight, Leon, you gotta cut off all your hair, even the 'stache and beard. Your head's gotta look like a cue ball. Even your eyebrows. I'll meet you just like this mornin' at Mickey D's. Be sure to leave a message for your boss that you're going to Miami for a coupla days to check out some electronics. Don't forget to wear that new shirt you picked out.

"I'm gonna get my Dad's .38 out of his boat. That'll be good to scare 'em. You gonna be all right, Leon?"

"Yeah, I just hope you know what you're doin'. Last thing I want is to go to jail," Leon sighed without even looking at Billy.

Morning came too early for Leon. This was a day he did not want to face. The bathroom floor was covered with all the hair he had painstakingly removed from his head. The six-pack of Buds he consumed while doing the cutting had left his eyes bloodshot and red rimmed. They stood out against the white color of skin that was protected from the sun by hair, up until now.

Billy looked nearly as bad. T here were some red spots where he had cut too close with the shaver. "Hey man, all's we need is some of those little bells. We could pass ourselves off as Hairy Krishnas or whatever they are," Billy said, laughing to hide his nervousness.

It was too late for either one of them to back out now. After sitting and toying with their food, they both got up and headed out to the pickup.

The trip down to Big Pine went fast. Billy went over everything with Leon one last time, just to make sure. He had the two pair of cheap sunglasses from the convenience store and gave one pair to Leon. The closer they got, the more nervous they were.

Whether it was the hour of the day or the incongruity of the event, everyone in the bank stood stunned as Billy went from teller to teller collecting money in a gray canvas sack. Leon stood by the door one minute checking to see if anyone was coming in and the next minute scanning around the big open room to make sure nobody moved. The holdup and escape went just as planned. They were out in a flash and on their way to the Blue Dolphin before they even had a chance to breathe. "Man, we're the best," Leon shouted. "Whattaya mean, we?" cried Billy. "I did all the damn work. Alls you did was watch the front door. Anyways, we did it! Did you see the looks on their faces? It was like pullin' a grouper out of the water. They didn't even know what was happenin' until it was too late. Let's get outta here."

Billy carried the two bags into the room while Leon headed to the bathroom. "Leon, turn on the noon news while I start countin' the money." Billy had it spread out all over one of the beds.

"This news is just in. Two robbers described as white males, possibly skinheads, in their mid twenties made a daring daylight robbery at the Flagler Community Bank on Big Pine Key. The two men are believed to be armed and dangerous. Police and Sheriff's Deputies have set up a roadblock in hopes of apprehending the criminals. There is no report on how much money they took."

"Leon, help me sort this money so's we can count it. Put all the twenties over here, the tens here, the fives here, the ones here, and all the others over here. Don't start countin' it until we got it all sorted." The two of them worked quickly and carefully. Soon, it was all stacked in five little piles.

"Now see if there's a pencil in that desk. We need to do this right. OK, I'll count how many's in each stack, and you can write it down." After counting each stack, Billy gave the number to Leon who carefully wrote it down. "Lessee, there's 137 twenties, 283 tens, 186 fives, 344 ones, 3 fifties and 1 hundred. That's a bunch of money. Let's see how much we got. I think we done real good.

"The latest report from a Sheriff's Department spokesman is that two robbers made off with less than $7500 in a daring daytime holdup of the Flagler Community Bank on Big Pine Key. Bradley Smith is on the scene. Brad?"

"That's right Hugh. I'm outside the Flagler Community Bank with Sheriff's Deputies right now. According to reports, the thieves overlooked two bags that were full of large bills. "Here is Deputy Winters of the Monroe County Sheriff's Department. "Deputy, explain to us what happened."

Spitting once, the deputy turned and faced the camera. "The bank keeps two bags full of large bills sitting on a thing they call a 'cash cart.' Those boys coulda made off with more than $150,000 if they had got those bags. The cart sits right behind the teller stations in plain sight."

"Man, did you hear that?" Leon was turning colors again. "We went to all that trouble for a lousy $7500? That sucks. If we only knew about those bags, man. We'd be rich!"

"Aaaagh!!" Billy was beside himself. "Carlos is gonna have me for lunch! What am I gonna do? That money was right there under our noses. How could I be so stupid?"

Both Leon and Billy just stared at the neat stacks of money sitting on the bed. Neither one of them could bear to move. They just wanted it all to be over. "Let's go get a couple of sixes and think this through real careful," groaned Billy as he started toward the door. Leon followed close behind as they crossed US 1 to the Texaco. Billy got two sixes of long neck Buds while Leon grabbed a big bag of Cheese Doodles.

As they crossed back to the Blue Dolphin, Leon asked, "Did you see the way that guy in the store looked at us? I think we got a big problem."

"Whaddaya mean, Leon?"

Leon had stopped dead right in the middle of Highway 1. A look of sad resignation passed over his face and colored his eyes. "Well, we shaved our heads so the bank robbers wouldn't look like you 'n me. Now, with our heads shaved, we look just like the bank robbers!"

"I don't git it," Billy said as he looked at Leon quizzically.

"Listen to me, Billy. Listen hard to what I'm sayin.' We had long hair and beards, right?" Without waiting for an answer, Leon continued, "We shaved 'em so's people wouldn't know it was us robbin' the bank. That was OK, but now everybody's looking for two bald-headed guys. You and me's the only two around here with bald heads! We can't go no place until our hair grows back!"

"Awww shucks! I never thoughta that! Man, are weup a creeknow!"

With lids popping on the ice-cold beer, Leon and Billy dejectedly made their way through the door and into their tiny rented cottage. Billy threw himself into the tattered armchair while Leon flopped onto the empty bed. Each of them downed the first one in a heartbeat. Neither one said another word until they were half into their third.

"Look. We told everybody we were goin' to Miami. Why would they ever think that we robbed that bank?" Billy had been carefully thinking this thing through. "We got our hair cut. So what? Lottsa people get their hair cut. By next Monday, it'll be at least part ways growed out. We can tell people we did it on a bet. What I really gotta worry about now is Carlos. I gotta have more bread.

"Leon, whaddaya say we go back and get the rest of our money? There's $150,000 waitin' for us, and they won't ever expect two holdups in two days. I'll bet we can just waltz right in there like nothin' happened and get the rest of that money, sure as shootin'.

"No way man, no way!" Leon didn't even turn his head, afraid that looking at Billy might somehow influence his decision.

"Leon, I know how much Maria wants that ring, and I know how much you want Maria. This is our only chance. We did it once. We can do it again. C'mon, whaddaya say?"

"Billy, we're gonna get caught and thrown in jail. They're already lookin' for us."

"Yeah, but by now they figure we're in Miami. I'll bet there's less cops on Big Pine now than there usually is."

"Well, since there's never no cops on Big Pine, you might be wrong. Look Billy, I'll go along with you again, but if I see anythin' even a little peculiar, I'm outta there in a big hurry. You got that?"

Billy smiled, knowing that he had once again gotten his own way.

Nobody on Big Pine did expect a second bank robbery in as many days. Billy and Leon walked in and walked out with two big bags holding more than $150,000. Through the woods and into the parking lot they went. It couldn't have gone better except for the Sheriff's Deputy sitting in his patrol car on the far side of the lot.

"What are we gonna do now, Billy?" cried Leon. "We can't get to the truck without him seein' us." The fear ran up his back like a tree frog dipped in ice.

"Let's grab one of them taxis!" Billy said nervously. "Nobody ever escaped from a bank robbery in a taxi. Let's do it." Throwing the money in the back seat, Billy and Leon jumped into the first of three bright pink taxis that were parked at the taxi stand. All the drivers must have been inside the little air-conditioned shanty watching the Gators-Seminoles football game on the portable tv. Sure enough, the keys were stuck up in the visor.

"I'll drop you off by the Blue Dolphin with the money, and then I'll run on down the road a coupla miles with the taxi and leave it. Nobody'll know the difference." With that, Billy pulled away and turned south on US 1 headed toward Summerland Key.

Being careful to obey the speed limit, Billy made his way out of Big Pine. As they drove onto the bridge that links Big Pine with Little Torch Key, the car started bucking and stalling. Billy threw the transmission into neutral and turned the ignition key. The motor started and stalled, started and stalled, as the car drifted to a halt on the bridge shoulder. "Can you believe it? The taxi ran out of gas!"

Deputy Winters pulled up behind Billy and Leon with his red and blue lights flashing. Looking in the mirror, Billy knew that the escapade had come to an end. He breathed a sigh of relief. For the first time in weeks, he didn't have to worry about Carlos any more.

Approaching the car slowly, the Deputy cracked a smile that extended from ear to ear. "Howdy boys. Y'all run out of gas? When's the last time a taxi ran out of gas? Can I give you a lift?"

Billy and Leon just looked at each other with their mouths wide open...

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