I can't begin to tell you how often I have recently heard the term "soul mate."It seems that so many of my single or divorced friends are on a quest in search of finding theirs.In almost every personal ad one reads these days, somewhere in the profile it is written... "in search of my soul mate." We are inundated with this term in greeting cards, on television and in books and magazines. But what is a soul mate and does one really exist?

I have often asked people what they think it is and I've received some interesting answers. One woman I know defined her soul mate as someone who would rescue her from a $20,000.00 VISA debt, pay for her children's college education and trade her old Buick in for a new BMW. "And he would do all of this with a happy heart," she said. I was speechless. Yeah right, I thought, if this is really the case, then it is no small wonder why everyone is searching for one and why they seem to be in such short supply!

Another woman said that the concept of having a soul mate simply meant that each person would be totally accepting of the other's annoying habits. Ah yes... a carpet full of nail clippings and dirty underwear left on the floor, but all of it made so much sweeter knowing that it is your soul mate that left it there.

I heard someone say once that a soul mate is someone who completes you. What? You mean right now, as a single person I'm not completed? If I never find my soul mate, I'll walk the face of the earth incomplete? I mean let's face it; wouldn't a relationship be more promising if it started out with two complete individuals, rather than two incomplete ones? Maybe I have too much common sense for my own good but I just don't get it!

I do however; have a few questions about this theory. If a soul mate really does exist, is there only one available for each of us? What if he lives in Cleveland and I live in Alaska? What if our soul mate dies in a dreadful accident before we even had a chance to meet him? If so, then are we left to endure a life with someone who's just mediocre? Or do we have multiple soul mates that we could meet on any given day?

I asked a married couple I know if they were soul mates. They assured me that they were. "The first time we looked into each other's eyes, we just knew it," the wife said. The husband looked on shaking his head in agreement. But that explanation really didn't tell me anything. I pressed for further details. "But what was the "it" that you knew?" I asked in frustration insistent that I would finally get an answer I could understand. They just looked at me as if I was pitifully out of touch and rolled their eyes skyward. They were no help whatsoever

My parents have been married for over 50 years. I have never heard them fight or even raise their voices to one another in anger. Can you imagine such a thing? Over the years it has been interesting watching the way my parents interact.Even to this day when they attend a social gathering, my Dad will tell me afterwards that "your Mother was the most beautiful woman in the room." They still hold hands and give each other a little "peck on the cheek," even in public.

They visited me from out of town recently. One night I walked into their bedroom to wish them a good night. They were both propped up with their pillows, my father reading the newspaper, my mother doing her crossword puzzle. I sat down on the bedside and thought how lucky I was to have been raise by two such fine people. Feeling sentimental, I began to talk about the length of their marriage. I asked my father, "Dad, what's it been like to be married to the same woman for over 50 years?" My father looked up over the top edge of his newspaper and without hesitation he replied, "Boring!" My mother proceeded to hit him in the head with her magazine and then they both laughed. I laughed too. As I was leaving the bedroom they looked at each other and continued to giggle and the intimacy between them excluded me.

Is this the behavior of soul mates? Is this the indescribable "it?"

I have given this a lot of thought. Maybe I have too much time on my hands. I admit though that I am still sitting on the fence about the concept of soul mates. I guess each and every one of us has to reach our own conclusion. For me, I think it would be nice just meeting someone who will simply accept me for who I am without handing me a list of things I need to change first. He's someone who doesn't particularly have to have all the answers, or save me from myself, or pay off my debts. I just want a mate who is reliable, has a sense of humor and who will be there through the hills and valleys of day to day life. Communication is important too. I have to be with someone I can talk with... and someone who might rub my back on occasion... O.K... I'll quit while I'm ahead. But if by some stretch of the imagination, what I have just described is the "it," then all I have to say is... "SWF in search of soul mate."

Kit Danes De Roche
This article was written in 2003... Kit is now newly married (Feb.2005) and lives with her husband Gerard in Palm City, Florida