In thinking back of the journey I traveled with my Mother's experience with dementia, there were many twists and turns, just like the unexpected detours of a road trip. In my memory, the most difficult stage of her dementia was when her personality changed drastically, like a Jeykll and Hyde. I recall thinking, "Who is this woman?"

It is not uncommon for families to have the same type of experience ours did. The dementia our Mother had affected her personality to the point of extreme behavior. She blasted each of us with angry words, she laid guilt statements on each child about not visiting her or calling her when, in fact, we had either just seen her or called her. In a few instances, she would hit one of us on the arm. Not only was it unpleasant, these episodes produced a myriad of emotions within each of us. Anger, disbelief, guilt and great sadness. Where was our Mother ?

Dementia has many facets and just like most diseases, manifests itself differently in each person. However, it is not uncommon to experience similar behaviors as we did. Once I learned more about the disease, I realized trying to 'logically' talk with my Mother was to no avail. She would deny her behavior with anger and accusations and off we would go into another scene. Instead, after months of dealing with this type of behavior, I was able to take a few steps to alleviate this behavior.

First, I visited the doctor with my Mother. I described the behavior we were experiencing. While my Mother's behavior happened at any time during the day, we discussed the introduction of a medication which may help her anxiety. We also discussed the possibility of this falling into 'sundowner's syndrome.'* After that visit, I also began using a different approach with my Mother's behavior. Whenever a flare up occurred, I would softly and calmly talk with her and acknowledge her frustration and fear. In most cases than not, she would calm down and stop her verbal attack.

Dementia is a puzzling disease that affects the entire family. The face and body of the loved one is the same but the personality is not. This disease can bring families to its knees and produce intense emotions along with denial. Without question, help and guidance from a professional and/or a support group can ease the daily burden. We often refer families to the Alzheimer's & Parkinson Association or to a geriatric care manager for information and support. Over the years of dealing with the various dementia's in my business, I have learned the importance of seeking assistance and gaining education sooner than later.

* Sundowners syndrome is a condition when sufferers may experience periods of extreme agitation and confusion during the late afternoon or early evening.